Forgive me...forgive me not...

Forgiveness. Complicated word. Easier said than done. I, personally, do not know how to forgive. I admit it. I readily admit to it, actually. I am a sensitive being when it comes to my feelings. If someone hurts those feelings, then I can't forgive them for those actions. I have never been able to understand why someone would harm another - whether directly or indirectly. I believe in compassion and selflessness. I believe that we do not live in this world alone and need to act accordingly. So, it really baffles me when people act selfish and lack compassion. This is why I can not forgive. Because to harm someone is to be selfish. To not consider the other person's feelings... And I am not in the position to teach another about selflessness - you should be taught that as a child. It needs to be instilled in your morals, your values. Now, why doesn't it happen? More often than not, I witness the abhorrent behavior of selfishness... I won't call myself a victim - that empowers the wrongdoer... But I will call myself a survivor. I go past all the harm that has been done to me...but I can not forgive it. Forgiveness is about understanding. Not to say that I have never forgiven someone... Communication has allowed me to do so. This doesn't mean that my defensive wall has come down - it just means that I have allowed a door to be opened. I am not a harsh woman - I have a huge heart (which is good and bad, of course) so I can not fully rule out forgiveness... I just don't know how to do it so easily...